Who Cares?

Dear CareGiver:

Do you have family? Friends? Children/young people in your life? Do you have a life? Outside of your patients’ lives? What do you do? Do you have a hobby? Do you go to films? Attend the theatre?

Do you have a plan? What if you fall ill? Who will take care of you?

If you haven’t done so, you’d better take time out and start sowing the seed of YOUR future. Don’t be so busy taking care of others that you don’t take care of yourself.

I know, to you it isn’t really a job; it’s what you love to do—and thank God there are still people like you! So cultivate your personality. Let it be natural.

But take care. Many of us get so wrapped up in our work we forget to wrap ourselves in kindness.

Like, Keep Healthy. As in:

Take care of your feet. Especially if you’re Care Giving keeps you on your feet all day. Be sure you have the right shoes. And have a second pair. Change them often. The same shoes worn every day will wear you out.

Do watch what (and how, and when) you eat. You know the drill.

Do some exercises—preferably every day, preferably involving actions opposite to the ones you do every day on the job. See your doctor, physiotherapist, personal trainer, gym instructor . . . Don’t just dive into it and injure yourself. You’re needed.

Do take the time to treat yourself. Go to the spa; have a manicure, a pedicure. A Care Giving friend of mine recently did just that. She couldn’t stop smiling all week.

Do things outside of and in spite of work. Make/buy/give gifts. Take in a show.

When is the last time you sat down and wrote an actual letter? Have you touched base with your Mom/Dad/Aunt/Niece. . . ? Or your male relatives, friends, club members? By phone? By e-mail? How about in person?

Would it help to keep a journal? You know, a diary? Maybe you have the makings of a book here. Perhaps just reading back entries now and again will provide you with a timely reminder of something.

Be daring. Buy that new outfit.

Go ahead, factor in a break in your day. Make it a coffee break. Read a chapter of a novel while you dunk three or four cookies. Smell the roses. They’ll make your day sweet.

Call it Smile Time.

In fact, take a whole day off now and again. Go for a drive. If you don’t have a car, talk a friend or family member into taking you for a mystery tour. Just point the car and go. There are some great scenic routes to restore your acquaintance with nature.

Be like my wife and I. Explore that road that looked so inviting. We have some great memories from such journeys. We called it “Follow the radiator cap” in honour of the days when there were ornaments on the front of the car hood just above the radiator.

Remember what the researchers are telling us these days: Frequent breaks keep you healthier and more alert than do long stints. (You don’t want to fall asleep on your patient, do you? Or make a bad mistake on the job due to fatigue.)

Maybe once a week have a tea party. At home. With one or two outside-of-work-friends. And talk, talk, talk. But Absolutely No Business. Make one meeting a month an informal readers’ club. That way, you’ll have to take time to read, or you won’t be able to report and discuss. Remember, exchanging ideas and views on stuff un-work related is fun. You do remember fun, don’t you? Try a game of cribbage with a treasured friend. It’s a great game and you can chat away as you peg your way around the board. Or just be together, you and your Special Friend. Joke, laugh, try on clothes, trade clothes for that new look, wander the mall, treat yourself to ONE fattening treat, once in a while.

Do this. Even if you have to steal the time. Even if you have to pay somebody to relieve you. First comes health, then comes care.

Remember: In spending time with family, friends and relatives, they ARE taking care of you. In those moments. They take you out of yourself and feed good stuff back into you. Like love, encouragement, and respect.

Oh yes, likewise for spending time with fellow CareGivers. Spend a relaxing day at the beach, go bowling, just sit and gossip, whatever.

To exchange notes with other CareGivers, hold a business luncheon. Out. You can sit for two or three hours in a “private booth” atmosphere at your favourite restaurant while you “educate” each other. Some restaurants have small conference rooms. Maybe the library has one. Make it your Professional Day. Form a local CareGivers Club.

But be sure to separate pleasure from business. Your “out” time is for your health and wellbeing. How else can you keep up that smile for your “client friend”?

Another point: Do you have any specific plans for your own retirement? Do you contribute to a pension plan? More and more, word is that government pension plans are in trouble and that they are going to be phased out; and that people are being advised to invest in private plans. [So much for the Canada we grew up in, eh?]

On a personal note, I had a . . . no, I had pension plans; but then I drew them all back for an endless succession of emergencies. Bad plan! Now I have a meager amount to live on.

A thought: Set aside 10 per cent from every pay cheque for retirement. Ten per cent for savings. Now—Don’t Touch! Leave it to fulfill its purpose. You should consult an expert for financial advice, but this rule of thumb usually works. Many advise keeping 10 per cent for yourself first. Just for yourself.

You should also have a separate slush fund for those rainy days, emergencies, special purchases that could cripple your general revenue account. If you’re self-employed, have a tax fund. Don’t mess with Mr. Tax Man. I know. For the rest of the budget, cover the rent and the food, and “juggle the rest.” Some things can wait.

And the big thing: What will happen if you are struck down with an illness?

The flu, for a large example, ravages anyone and everyone indiscriminately, even CareGivers, and we have a vicious one (flu bug, that is) on the horizon right now. Don’t we always?

Do you have a support system? Do you need to nominate somebody? What if some bum in the parking lot backs into you and breaks your leg? *Do you have a backup CareGiver ready to step in?* Do you? That would be a good plan for your peace of mind and general wellbeing. Also for your patient’s. Introduce them. Be sure your substitute knows your patient’s needs. (I had a paper route and no backup driver. My car broke down. No end of grief.)

But whatever you do, don’t just take care of yourself. Lay concrete plans for your care, for later, for when you need a little tender loving care.

I know. You’re fine. So am I. But I’m getting those aches and pains, the cataracts, the forced visits to the hospital. Probably, so will you. Some CareGivers are actually hurt on the job. Like my step daughter. She had to leave the profession. And that was simply from turning a bed-ridden client over during a massage session. So beware, be careful, and be ahead of the game. Know, really know, how to do these things. (Sorry, I know you are professional.)

I didn’t plan to retire, but I was struck down with an illness, so here I am.

So, nominate someone. That is some ONE. Even if you have a family, and even if your family is like you—into Care Giving—you need one person to take charge, to schedule things, to be your surrogate. To be your financial, or even final, executor if it comes to that

Now . . . smile. You’re on your own TV. You wanna look good.

Oh! And if you are one of those few among us who already has all of this stuff in hand – Kudos! Now, take care. And help take care of a fellow CareGiver.

--Bryce the Third